Here are 8 types of men Christian women should avoid.
*Note: these qualities can also be reversed for the men looking for a woman, but this will be written from a woman’s perspective as this is a women’s ministry blog.
8 Types of Men Christian Women Need to Avoid
1. The Unbeliever
- “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14
The unbelieving man goes first on this list. Christian women should just not even go there- it will almost always end up in heartache. Men who don’t believe in Christ are not healthy for Christian women (and vice versa) because they can’t help you grow in your walk with God; nor will they be able to love you with a real, Christ-like love. Those who don’t know God cannot truly love, because God is love (1 John 4:8). A man without God is a man you can live without, sister. Ain’t nobody got time for that!
2. The Talker
- “But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.” – James 1:22-25
We probably all know someone in our lives, regardless of gender, that is a smooth talker. Maybe they can quote scripture, say all the right things. They may be in your church every Sunday. On the outside, they may really seem like a godly man or woman. However, if you look at the fruit they are really bearing in life, it will paint a very different picture. Jesus tells us that we can recognize people by their fruits (Matthew 7:16). Paul also warned believers in 2 Timothy to stay away from people who may have the appearance of godliness, but deny it’s power (2 Timothy 3:5). This can apply to those who only talk the talk, but don’t walk the walk.
3. Men Who Don’t Put God First
- “And He answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.””
Men who don’t put God first or don’t have a relationship with Christ are men that we need to be careful about involving ourselves with. A man worth marrying will put God first in his life and strive to grow in his walk with God. When dating and especially in marriage, we all have to be careful not to put our significant others above Christ; if we do, we’re committing the sin of idolatry. Jesus should be the only one to sit on the throne of our hearts. And when Jesus is your man’s King, he will be more able to lead you not only spiritually but in all other aspects of life as well.
4. The Unprovider
- “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” – 1 Timothy 5:8
Paul tells us that a man who won’t provide for his own family has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever. If a man isn’t willing to work and provide, he isn’t going to make a good partner.
5. Disrespectful & Verbally Corrupt Men
- “But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.” – Colossians 3:8
- “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.” – Ephesians 5:4
- “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.” – James 1:26
If the words from a man’s mouth are full of cuss words or slanderous, abusive, disrespectful talk- girl, run. Men who claim to love God but curse and abuse with their words are a big no-no! Not only is it completely unbecoming, men who are verbally abusive and disrespectful are more likely to end up physically abusive down the road. Just say no, my friend.
6. The Overly Jealous & Possessive Man
- “For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice.” – James 3:16
It is one thing to love your partner and naturally not want to share them with anyone else, and another to be controlling, possessive, and over-the-top in jealousy. Sinful jealousy will wreck any relationship. Without trust, security, and the freedom to be your own person, a relationship will be extremely toxic. I love the way All About God puts this:
“The marriage relationship is one way to understand the difference between sinful jealousy and righteous jealousy. A husband who responds with anger simply because he sees his wife talking to another man shows unreasonable domination and self-centeredness—sinful jealousy. Selfishness and insecurity control his possessiveness, rather than a commitment to his wife and the sanctity of their marriage vows.”
Sinful jealousy and possessiveness are rooted in insecurity, selfishness, and more often than not severe trust issues. Men who struggle with such things need to find healing in Jesus first before getting into any relationship. The healthiest relationships happen when both people are whole and content on their own before committing to someone. A relationship where both partners can trust, communicate, and be free to be themselves are the ones that thrive. Stay away from men who are sinfully jealous, controlling, and possessive.
7. The Selfish Man
- “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:4
- “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” – Ephesians 5:25
A selfish man will make little to no room for you in his heart. These kind of men can make marriage very difficult, as a healthy marriage is one of mutual giving and putting the other above yourself. If each spouse were to truly strive to put the other’s needs before their own with Christ at the center of it all, they are bound to have a healthy, thriving marriage. This cannot be done with a man who is self-centered, selfish, and prideful.
8. Overly Needy & Insecure Men
- “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” – Ephesians 5:33
Men who are extremely insecure and overly needy are more often than not also overly possessive, controlling, and jealous (see #6). It has been shown that many (not all, but many) men who are like this can end up being abusive in their relationships, psychologically or physically. The reason why we need to avoid dating men like this (despite the havoc it can bring to your relationship), is that they need to learn how to be whole and complete on their own first, just them and God. This goes for women as well! We all do better in relationships when we first learn how to be whole, content, and complete by ourselves with Christ.
Those who enter into relationships when they are not first content with themselves can be a recipe for disaster. A man who hasn’t learned to first love himself (or God) cannot love you in the way the Bible demands. We as women often find ourselves thinking we can “fix” men, that we can change them. Sisters, don’t fall into that trap! The one who changes your man’s heart is God and God alone. Seek a man that is content and whole on his own with God first, then he will be able to love you as God desires.
No matter who you decide to date, I recommend choosing wisely by praying about it first. Ask God if He approves. He is a good Father, and He will lead you in the right direction. And if He says no, remember- even a “no” from God is covered in love and kindness. He only wants what’s best for us! We can trust His judgement above anyone else’s. Ask Jesus to take you by the hand and lead you to the right man that is worthy to take your other hand. He is faithful to do it!
“Dance with God and He will let the right man cut in.”